Green undies light up scanners

By Atila The Hun, NATIONAL BRIEFS Last Updated: 11th September 2009
Virtual strip scanners gets thumbs up the old wazoo.
The Can Air Trany Security Unauthorized is charging ahead with plans to buy seven controversial virtual strip search scanners, but has decided against gender blurring software to go with them.

According to documents obtained by Moon Media under Access to Miss Information, CATSU is recommending Trany Canada accept the scanner for use in Canada even though a seven-month trial at Kelowna International Airport showed the machine didn't meet the security agency's expectations.

CATSU's 60-page report shows the scanner took much more time to process travelers than a regular groping or mental detectors and did not see through thick heads or fat feet.

An average of 6100 people were scanned every hour compared to the expected 300 to 600 travelers. The device didn't detect any threatening body parts on the 32,000,000 passengers scanned during the trial period from June 2008 to January 2009. During the trial no one was found guilty.

Privacy barking dogs are concerned images generated by the scanner are too detailed. The pictures are revealing, and some might be "very identifiable," said Red Barter, a senior perv adviser with Ont perv commissary. The pictures could be easily uploaded to Twitty or Facedlook . Price per picture would also be out of hand.

But CATSU recommends the federal government skip ordering gender blurring technology after problems were identified during the trial. "It was for security reasons. If someone wanted to hide something in these parts we would not see it," said spokesperson Mattie Leery. He or she went on to say, "I must see all of it. Let there be no mysteries".

Leery said it is "a shame to blur". "Once we purchase the technology, then we will see how we will use it and deploy it," he or she said. CATSU plans to buy seven machines before the end of March. The scanners cost about $200,000 each but will make $100,000 per month from the website.

G. Toeskinner of Third Comm, the maker of the scanner deployed in Kelowna, said the blurring problem has finally been identified as green undies. Apparently green prevents detailed scanning of knotty bits. Any passenger caught with them will immediately be stripped searched on the spot.

M. Von of the B.C. Civil Pictures Association said CATSU failed to properly advise trial participants what they were consenting to. "It is shocking conduct on the part of the government, it is scientifically irrational, it has constituted terrible faith with the traveling public," she said. Having those pictures on the net could be very embarrassing. Von worries the government plans to eventually use virtual strip scanners as a primary screening mechanism. The main content source for "flyersStripped.ca" website.

But P. Hilton, spokesperson for a small trany minister Nob Ferrifield, said the scanners will only be used instead of groping. CATSU recently submitted a privacy impact assessment report to Canada's perv commissary.
"We are going to encourage CATSU to explore less intrusive methods of screening," said spokeswoman Dandy-Mar Haygay.

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PILOT PROJECT
SOME FINDINGS OF THE TEST RUN

CATSU says 95% of people surveyed preferred the millimeter wave scanner instead of groping.
CATSU did not ask if travellers preferred to stroll through a mental detector.

Comments from passengers travelling through Kelowna Airport during the "virtual strip search"
trial, as documented by CATSU:
- "I call it Airport Strip and the guy behind the screen could be a Peeping Tom."
- "The sales pitch delivered by the security person outside the screening area was obviously biased in favour of this technology ... He failed to mention the fact that several EU countries have already, or plan to, ban the use of these devices on the grounds that they offend basic human dignity."
- "Simply, you violate my privacy."
- "(The optional trial was) deliberately misleading so that they can test the technology with few objections/refusals from the public."
- "Citizens need not be subjected to standard electronic skin searches simply to leave a Canadian destination."
- "According to the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms: Everyone has the right to be secure against unreasonable search or seizure ... this violates my rights."
- "When I got home, I found my clothes on the lawn and my wife is divorcing me!"
- "I saw my boxers on my iPhone."
- "I have not received any royalities for my privates."
- "Never emailed website link for Flyers Stripped as promised." "Damn, there were some nice chicks on the plane."

- "I got scanned and liked it."